Written by Mimi Village

Why vs. What: The simple shift for better self-reflection

27th March, 2025   •  

How often do you stop to think about how you think?

The way we reflect on our experiences, emotions, and challenges has a massive impact on our mindset, problem-solving abilities, and overall well-being. But what if the way we introspect is actually holding us back?

Research suggests that people who engage in frequent introspection—constantly analysing their thoughts and emotions—are more likely to struggle with anxiety and depression. A study by Harvard psychologists found that a wandering mind, which includes overanalysing past experiences, is strongly linked to lower happiness levels. However, studies also show that people who develop genuine self-awareness—who reflect in a structured and constructive way—experience greater fulfilment, improved relationships, and higher career satisfaction. How can we reconcile these two pieces of research?

As organisational psychologist Tasha Eurich puts it, “Thinking about ourselves isn’t the same as knowing ourselves.” This links to the importance of developing both our internal and external self awareness, which you can read more about in this blog.

So, how do we reflect in a way that creates self-awareness rather than self-doubt? It starts with shifting the questions we ask ourselves.

The problem with “Why” questions

It’s natural to ask “why” when something goes wrong. We assume that understanding the cause will help us fix the problem. However, psychological research shows that these types of questions often lead to rumination—dwelling on problems rather than solving them.

• Why do I always feel stuck in my career?
• Why do I struggle with self-discipline?
• Why do I let people walk all over me?
• Why am I never satisfied, no matter what I achieve?

Does this feel familiar? How helpful has it actually been to ask yourself these questions?

“Why” questions can tend to:

• Keep us stuck in the past, focusing on things we can’t change
• Lead to self-blame and negative spirals (Why am I always like this?)
• Encourage unproductive storytelling—justifying our actions rather than finding ways to improve

A famous 1970s study illustrates how our brains often fill in gaps with incorrect explanations. In the study, researchers presented participants with four identical pairs of tights and asked them to choose the best-quality pair. The majority selected the pair on the far right—despite all being the same. When asked why they chose that pair, participants confidently justified their choice based on texture or quality, unknowingly fabricating reasons for a decision that was actually purely influenced by position bias.

This study highlights a fundamental flaw in human introspection: our brains don’t always know the real reason behind our choices, so they generate explanations that feel true but may be completely inaccurate. 

This is tied to the brain’s negativity bias – our tendency to focus more on negative experiences and to create self-critical narratives that aren’t necessarily based in reality.

So, if “why” questions lead to misleading conclusions, what should we ask instead?

Shifting to “what” questions

Instead of asking why, try reframing your inner dialogue with what questions. “What” questions are more likely to be:

• Action-oriented, helping you focus on things you can control
• More objective and less emotionally charged
• Designed to activate the brain’s problem-solving mechanisms rather than triggering self-criticism

Going back to our presentation example, instead of asking Why did I mess that up?, try:

• What can I do differently next time?
• What specifically made me feel nervous, and what strategies could help?
• What steps can I take to improve my confidence?

This shift moves you out of self-blame and into practical action. It also aligns with a growth mindset—the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed with effort and learning—helping you see challenges as opportunities for improvement. To learn more, read our blog on the growth mindset.

Research backs up the power of “what” questions. A study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that individuals who framed their introspection around solution-focused questions were significantly more likely to report personal growth and goal attainment compared to those who asked “why” questions. 

How to convert “Why” to “What” 

Making this change isn’t just about awareness—it’s about practice. Here’s how to replace “why” questions with more constructive “what” questions:

Step 1: Catch your “Why” questions

Throughout your day, notice when you ask yourself a “why” question. These often pop up in moments of frustration, self-doubt, or reflection. Keep a mental (or written) log of them.

For example:

• Why can’t I focus today?

• Why do I always procrastinate?
• Why did I react so defensively in that conversation?

Step 2: Reframe to ‘what’ questions

When shifting from why to what, choose three of the following approaches to guide your reflection. Pick the ones that feel most relevant to your situation—if you’re stuck in a recurring thought cycle, focus on ‘patterns’; if you need motivation, ‘benefits’ might be helpful; if you’re struggling with decision-making, ‘risks’ or ‘future action’ could be the key.

Step 3: Apply it in the moment

Once you’ve practiced reframing, the next step is to apply it in real-time. The moment you catch yourself asking a “why” question, challenge yourself to swap it for a “what” question immediately. 

For example, if you catch yourself thinking, ‘Why do I always struggle with time management?’ reframe it to, ‘What small change can I make today to improve my schedule?’

This takes practice, but over time, it will become second nature.

Step 4: Reflect on the results

At the end of the day or week, look back at the times you shifted your inner dialogue. Ask yourself:

• Did this change how I approached challenges?
• Did I feel less stuck and more solution-focused?
• What impact did this have on my emotions and actions?

This step is crucial—it helps reinforce the benefits of this shift and encourages you to keep using it. Replacing “why” with “what” questions is  one way to shift your self-talk, for other tips on how to control your inner chatter read our blog. 

Summary 

The way you reflect matters. By shifting from “why” to “what” questions, you can move beyond self-judgment and into meaningful action. Instead of reinforcing limiting beliefs, you’ll begin to create a mindset that focuses on learning, growth, and improvement. 

So next time you catch yourself stuck in a “why” loop, pause and ask yourself: What can I do about this? That one small change could make all the difference.